5

“Congress’ approval rating has dropped to 12 percent. The other 88 percent are withholding judgment until Congress actually does something.” – Jay Leno

4

The Onion: U.S. Economic Recovery Resting On Man Currently Perusing Sears Power Tools Section

3

“President Obama described himself as an eternal optimist. He then explained that he’s the kind of person that sees the country as ‘half employed.’” - Conan O’Brien

2

“The Tea Party is forming its own debt super committee that will meet this week at a Florida Denny’s. You do not want to be the waiter that adds the tax to their check.” - Conan O’Brien

1

“President Obama addressed the United Nations General Assembly. He opened up with a joke: ‘The American dollar is strong.’” - Jimmy Kimmel