5

The Onion: U.S. Economic Recovery Resting On Man Currently Perusing Sears Power Tools Section

4

“Hallmark has launched a line of recession-themed cards that say, ‘Sorry you lost your job.’ The good news is, the cards come pre-addressed to your congressman.” – Conan O’Brien

3

Cartoon: The other jobs plan

2

“Bad day for the stock market. It’s down nearly 400 points. They’re calling it the worst September meltdown since the Red Sox.” – Jay Leno

1

“How could Greece be so short on cash? They’re making $20/day off me in yogurt revenue alone!” – Stephen Colbert