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“Today a reporter asked [Herman Cain] how he would handle Greece and he said he would put an extra layer of wax paper under the pizza before you put it in the box.” – Jay Leno

The Onion: Obama Now Attempting To Get Each Word Of Jobs Bill Passed Individually

“President Obama joined other world leaders in trying to convince Greece to cut back in spending and reduce their debt. This is part of their ‘do as we say not as we do’ summit, apparently.” - Jay Leno

“President Obama bumped Chinese President Hu Jintao from the #1 spot on Forbes’ list of the world’s most powerful people. It was awkward—Obama wanted to buy a copy of the magazine, but he had to borrow five bucks from Hu Jintao.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I think the economy might affect Christmas. Especially if the elves reject Santa’s North Pole austerity measures.” – Stephen Colbert