5

“President Obama promised to veto any bill sent to his desk with earmarks. I think he’s just being overly sensitive about his ears.” – Jimmy Kimmel

4

“Chinese President Hu Jintao was hinting that China may not loan the U.S. any more money. President Obama is now talking to him about a reverse mortgage.” – Jay Leno

3

Cartoon: What about farm subsidies?

2

“President Obama started out his State of the Union address with some happy news. Turns out he’s Oprah’s half brother. You know what that means? We are out of debt!” – Jay Leno

1

The Onion: A look at the President’s job creation plan