“Rick Santorum says that he is what the Republicans really want. Mitt Romney says now that he knows what Republicans want, he can change to those positions.” –Jay Leno

4

“One of the most talked about commercials was the one with Clint Eastwood, where he said, ‘It’s halftime in America, and our second half is about to begin.’ The bad news? China has the ball and we’re down $15 trillion.” –Jay Leno

3

“Donald Trump announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was really nice. Trump was like, ‘There’s only one man with the brains, the skills, and the charisma to be president — but since I’m not running, you might as well vote for Mitt Romney.’” —Jimmy Fallon

2

Cartoon: Super PACs

1

“Part of me thinks that Rick Santorum is running for president just to show his high school crush she should have gone to the prom with him.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Forty percent of Americans say they would rather cut their own hair than do their taxes. And then there are people that would rather do neither. I’m talking to you, Willie Nelson.” – Craig Ferguson

4

“Two things you need to know about taxes. They’ve extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it out to China.” – David Letterman

3

Cartoon: When will the ceiling collapse?

2

“Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week ‘Are you better off than you were four wives ago?”” - Bill Maher

1

“President Obama is slated to appear on one of Oprah’s last shows. He’s hoping it’s the one on which she gives away 14 trillion dollars.” - Conan O’Brien